Meet the Family

Weston got to meet many relatives this Memorial Day weekend!  He and his cousin Liam exchanged punches and kicks in the Boppy.  Although Weston is two weeks younger than Liam, he's at least two pounds heavier!

Liam and Weston

We spent some time with my cousins' kids and the conversation was comical.  Here are some snippets from them in regards to the babies:

Shane: "Is that a real baby?"

Brandon: "Did you want to become a mom?  Why?"

The newest additions to the clan

The Low Down on the Baby Blues

Now that I am fairly certain that my case of the Baby Blues is gone, I think I'll go ahead and write about it.  First of all, I can completely understand those news stories we hear about new mothers going AWOL for days after they give birth.  Hormones are a fascinating, but very confusing, biological compound.

When we got home from the hospital on Friday, I was doing alright.  A few tears of joy, but nothing overwhelming yet.  Saturday was a different story.  I began to feel incredibly anxious.  I was afraid I was never ever going to get sleep; afraid that this whole parenting thing was a huge mistake; wondering what the hell I had gotten myself into, etc.  On top of all that, my milk hadn't come in yet, and Weston was feeding constantly.  He wouldn't sleep that well, either, mostly because it seemed as though he just wanted to nurse.  I began to feel totally batty, like I was trapped in our tiny apartment and my life was going to amount to having a baby tethered to me at all times.

Weston had finally fallen asleep mid-afternoon that Saturday, and as I was lying there in bed trying to sleep, I was overcome with tremendous anxiety about never being able to fall asleep.  My mind was literally spinning.  What a horrible place to be in!  After a 32 hour labor with only a two hour nap in there somewhere on Wednesday, I was very, very sleep deprived (as are all new mothers).  I called to Nate, who came in the bedroom, and I started crying uncontrollably.  I said that this was too hard, that I was never going to sleep again, that this was a mistake, and that I was going crazy.  He promptly got my pink flip-flops, put a hoodie on me, and sent me outside with my phone to go take a walk around the neighborhood and then call my mom.

Just like Crazy Cat Lady, but minus the cats

Outside I went, feeling like one of those psychotic ladies that roam the streets, inappropriately dressed and muttering to themselves.  The fresh air did help, and the phone call to my mom instantly helped me feel better, mostly because she related to me her struggles with her first baby.  She told me that she cried in the hospital and didn't want to take my older brother home.

That Saturday was the worst day.  For about the next two weeks, I struggled with these feelings of anxiety, even though every woman I talked to said that it passes.  I had a hard time believing that at first, but it did get better every day, even if it was only just a little.  The hardest part was in the evening, when the day was drawing to an end.  I don't know if that's because I reflected on my day and realized I hadn't accomplished anything other than feeding the baby, changing diapers, feeding myself, and not much else.  It was made worse if I hadn't left the house, so I have made it a point to get out of the house everyday, with or without the baby.

Visitors helped my mood.  I very much looked forward to having my mom come by, and I was super excited when my sister came, even though I cried every day she was here...  I also know that I need to sleep when the baby sleeps.  Of course, I can't sleep every time he's sleeping, but I try to get in at least one good nap during the day when he's napping.

The baby blues do pass.  I felt as though they were never going to go away and that I was the only mom in the world to feel the way I was feeling.  Talking to other women about it helped to lessen their strength, and I'm grateful for all those women who shared their experiences with me.

Photo Shoot

She did it again... my friend Angie of frontporch photography: (414-640-5250) came over when Weston was just over a week old and took some more pictures.  I love them!!  Here are a few of my favorites:

Our family of three

Baby and Baby Daddy

Where's the beef, Ma?

Do not disturb

This little piggy...

Gotta Love Percentiles

Weston had his two week appointment yesterday.  He's growing like a weed, so that's good news!  Here's the breakdown:

Weight 9 lbs. 15 oz. = 75%
Length 22.5 in. = 95%
Head 37.7 cm = 90%

He's gained 1 pound and 3 ounces since birth and grown an inch and a half.  Yikes!  He's got some fat rolls developing.  I love the head circumference measurement, given the fact that Nate and I both have extra large craniums.

Body slamming Dad

So cute!

Hanging out with Great Aunt Terry

 

Photo update

Sunbathing in the morning

Tummy time

Robyn: How did those get on his head?
Nate: He needed a hat.

Auntie Mary Has Arrived

My sister flew in from Portland this morning!!

Weston: meet your cyber-stalker

The Birth Story

As I write this, I am still in disbelief that our little one is here.  His arrival was not anything like I had envisioned, which is how most births turn out, I suppose...

My water broke right after contractions started on Tuesday night a little before 7 pm.  They were completely tolerable, and Nate and I went for a walk and then came home and started watching a movie.  I mostly rested, and the intensity of the contractions picked up to a point where I had to start focusing on getting through them.  Around 1am, they were about 3 minutes apart, about a minute in duration, and had been going on that way for over an hour.  Nate made the executive decision that we were headed to the hospital.

At this point, I couldn't really do much other than continue trying to relax.  We arrived at Aurora Sinai and checked in, and I was prepared to hear that I wasn't dilated that much, so as to not get my expectations too high.  I was at 1.5 centimeters after six hours, and I was okay with that.  Then, we headed up stairs to the labor and delivery unit where we asked if they could fill the jacuzzi tub to help relieve the pain.  I got in, Nate put on Radiohead's King of Limbs album, and I settled into a nice pattern of contractions that were easy to relax through because of the warmth of the water.

I ended up getting out a bit later and we went for a couple of laps around the floor to move things along.  The intensity picked up, and I was having a hard time getting through these. The heat from the water provided a lot of relief, so I got into the tub in our hospital room.  They were coming closer and closer together and the intensity and duration was increasing.  I felt like throwing up several times, but never did.  Some of them felt as though they were coming one on top of the other.  Contractions are such a difficult thing to describe.  When they're not happening, everything is fine.  But when one comes on, the feeling of it just radiates and pulses throughout my abdomen.  And then it lets up, and I patiently wait for the next one to come...

At this point, it was early morning and the sun was coming up and I was almost 12 hours into labor.  The idea was to have an unmedicated childbirth, and I felt as though we were on that road.  It wasn't going to be much longer until I was in the transition part of labor.  In fact, I thought that I was in transition with how fast and furious the contractions were coming.  Our midwife showed up and checked me--3 centimeters.  What??!?  At this point, I was frustrated and disappointed.  She suggested that I walk around some more and try some different positions to keep the contractions coming.  Nate and I agreed, and for the next few hours, I walked around, tried the birthing ball, and really visualized this whole thing progressing.  All the while, I was bleeding pretty regularly.

Our midwife came back in around 11am to check me again.  By the way, getting checked during labor is extremely uncomfortable--like to the point of tears.  Anyway, Nichole announced that I was at 4 centimeters and 75% effaced.  At this point, 16 hours into labor, I lost it.  I cried and cried (in between contractions) and looked at Nate for some sort of relief.  I think I wanted him to say to me, "Yes, let's get the epidural."  I said, "I cannot do this!  Four f*&@ing centimeters in 16 hours??  I'm not even halfway!"  Thank goodness that Nate knows me because he was able to convince me to try for another four hours as Nichole had suggested and then see where we were at.  I was devastated, but also willing to just go a little bit longer and then make a decision.

So, I slipped into super relaxation mode.  I was so relaxed that I was hardly making any sounds during the contractions, even though they were as intense as ever.  Nate was able to fall asleep on the couch in the room as I labored, pacing the floor and pausing every time one came.  I was in my own world, and when Nate woke up, he asked me why I wasn't as vocal.  I responded, "I'm in a different place."

Finally, at 2pm, Nichole came in again to check.  The verdict was that I had made little progress--I think I was at 4.5 cm.  I really, really had tried, and wasn't getting anywhere.  Nineteen hours of unmedicated labor with such crappy progress was enough.  I was exhausted, and I felt as though I had seriously given this my best shot.  We made the call to do an epidural in the hopes that it would help me relax even further and open up.  At 2pm, the anesthesiologist showed up and got right to work.

Epidurals are gross.  I still get weak knees thinking about it.  The anesthesiologist had to move the needle around quite a bit to find that perfect spot, and that was really uncomfortable.  But, he ended up doing a great job because when it came time to push, I could definitely feel the contractions enough to know when they were coming.

Epidural in.  Can't feel my legs.  Can't feel anything, really.  I nap out hard for over 2 hours.  I wake up, and I'm at 5 centimeters with Jello legs.  I'm wondering what the hell is wrong with me at this point.  Why can't I progress?  Poor engineering?  I had an OB/GYN tell me once that I would have an easy time with childbirth because of how much room I had in my pelvis.  Well, this was not exactly easy.  Because we were approaching the 24-hour mark since my bag of waters had ruptured, Nichole had to make some decisions.  She ordered Pitocin in order to stimulate more contractions which would in turn dilate my cervix.  I didn't really mind at this point, mostly because I knew that Nate and I had made a very informed decision about the epidural, and more importantly, I had given this my best shot.

11:30pm--time to start pushing!  Twenty-eight hours after this whole ordeal started, I made it to 10 centimeters!  I'm thinking that pushing is going to be a breeze compared to what I just went though.  NOPE.  I pushed for 3 1/2 hours.  I am super grateful that I was in the best shape of my life before I got pregnant and that I continued to work out at the gym on a very consistent basis throughout the pregnancy.

Hmm...how to describe pushing something the size of a watermelon through something that's not the size of a watermelon???  At one point, I asked who had turned the epidural off, but quite honestly, I'm glad I was able to feel all the contractions while pushing.  This was a pretty intense part of labor, and like everything else during this experience, it wasn't what I was expecting.  I changed positions frequently, and Nate was by my side the whole time, quietly encouraging me.

I didn't know this at the time, but baby's heart rate was, at certain times, reaching peaks of 200 bpm.  It would slowly build with each contraction and then drop to around 70 bpm after the contraction was over.  I clearly recall Nichole getting very firm with me near the end, saying, "Robyn, this baby needs to come out now.  It's time for baby to come out."  I really thought it was never going to end and that this baby was going to split me in two distinct pieces, but at long last, there was tremendous relief as baby came out.  I laughed and cried at the same time, completely overwhelmed at what had just happened.  Baby immediately was put on my chest per our request, and they dried him off.  Then we remembered that we needed to know the gender, so they picked him up and Nate got to announce that Mr. Belvedere was a boy!

In what seemed like 5 minutes, baby spent the next hour on my chest as Nichole attended to all the stuff that happens afterward.  We just stared at him as he cried, and I tried to breastfeed him.  He didn't latch on right away, but we had lots of skin-to-skin contact.  I immediately delivered the placenta after he was born and I don't recall how that felt at all.  I was so engrossed in our little guy.

Okay, so why did this all take so long?  Turns out, Weston (who was nameless for quite sometime after his birth) had his ankle wrapped around the umbilical cord right next to the placenta, which was located just under my right rib cage.  When he came out, he had a deep red mark on his foot where the cord was wrapped (he's fine now).  The theory is this: every time I had contractions or was trying to push, the placenta was pulling him back in.  He was also slowly pulling the placenta away from the uterine wall during labor, so that's probably why I bled a lot and why the placenta delivered so quickly.  Of course, I could be totally wrong about all this, but that's what was hinted at after the delivery.  When I see my midwife again in a few weeks, I'll get the details.

In the end, it was the perfect labor and delivery.  I required no stitches and had a very small tear that has healed on its own.  Weston was just as exhausted as I was, and he had a couple of battle wounds on the back of his head from the ordeal, but most importantly, we have a beautiful baby boy that made it into this world safely.

Date Night #1

Last night, Nate and I went out for our very first date as a parental unit. We left Weston at home, unattended in his swing. We figured he was an easy baby... Just kidding! I asked my good friend Gemma to come over and watch him for a couple of hours while we went out to Barnes and Noble for a hot beverage and some browsing in the stacks. I was super excited to get out of the house and spend some time with my man. I really didn't talk about the baby and only checked to make sure the volume on my phone was functioning twice.

Nate and I have had a consistent weekly date night for over a year and a half--ever since we got married. We decided that we were going to keep it going, even after the burrito's arrival. Of course, we're going to have to tone it down a bit, but that's okay, as long as he and I are spending time together. Anyway, we decided on the bookstore because Nate said that we won't have any friends if I keep on reading baby books like The Complete Book of Breastfeeding and What to Expect the First Year, so I went big and bought The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand.  It's a giant novel, and I've got the whole summer to finish it.

Remember the Baby from The Hangover?

The Thinker from Nathan Currier-Groh on Vimeo.

One Week Old!

Weston and I took our first long distance trip yesterday...we went to Grandma's new condo near Janesville.  The three of us left early in the morning and drove an hour to get there.  He slept the whole way with all those vibrations from the crappy highways that we have here in Wisconsin.  Anyway, then Weston and I went to visit his Great Aunt Terry at her work.  The weather was beautiful, so we sat outside and visited while swapping labor and delivery stories.  (My favorite line of hers: "Angie was like taking a dump.")

Our little burrito is doing well.  He's a pretty easy baby so far.  He sleeps like a champ, eats really well, and fills his diapers regularly with something Nate has dubbed "No Joke Mustard."

Grandma loves the Baby Bjorn..Be-yorn...Ba-jorn...Ba-jorn

Wearing Nate's Ibex Merino Wool hat

Umbilical cord is off--into the tub we go!

It's Tuesday?

Woah.  I cannot believe that our little burrito is six days old already.  One week ago tonight, I went into labor.  No matter what, all babies come out when they're ready.

I've been slowly typing up our birth story.  It was a 32-hour labor, so it's going to take me some time.  There's so much that's happened since Weston's been born, and I'm trying to remember it all while going on less than optimal sleep.  I'm actually surprised at how well I'm handling life (and someone else's life) given the fact that the longest I've been able to sleep consecutively is about 3 hours.  It does get better--at least that's what I'm told.  These first few weeks are going to be hard.  And despite what everyone says ("Sleep when the baby sleeps"), that is no simple feat.  It's not like I'm running around doing housework or even cooking, but there are some things that I have to do while he's sleeping:

• Take feeding myself, for instance.  I haven't quite mastered breastfeeding so gracefully yet that I can feed Weston and myself at the same time.  I attempted it yesterday morning as we were scurrying out of the house for his first doctor's appointment.  I needed to eat something, and Weston wasn't satisfied with his breakfast from an hour before, so there I was, eating with my left hand while trying to nurse.  My mother-in-law had to scoop out the last few bites of yogurt for me.
• Self care is something else that needs to happen.  So far, I've been able to shower every day, but I need to make sure he's good and fed and asleep before I clean up from the day's events.  I think I've managed to brush my teeth twice in any 24-hour period, so that's good...  By the way, I've stopped referring to "days;" instead, everything goes in 24-hour increments for me.
• Hanging out with Nate is important to me, too.  Last night, we were able to watch a little bit of the NBA playoffs together while we ate dinner, and talk about something that had nothing to do with the baby.

By the way, I apologize for any errors in my writing right now.  I'm noticing that the red squiggly spell check line is showing up much more than I care to share as I type this post...

Anyway, things are going well.  Yes, I've got the baby blues, but they're getting better.  I'll write more about those later.  In the meantime, here are some shots of our little man:

Nursing Coma

Getting ready to go home from the hospital

Grandma Becca and Grandpa Brady came all the way from Iowa to visit

Snoozing under the warmth of Grandma Alyce's "Stinky Feet" quilt she made

Nate and Weston rocking out to Radiohead in the first Baby Bjorn experience.  He loved it!

Mr. Belvedere Has Arrived

My 19 hour old son is lying on my chest with the hiccups right now.  They feel just as funny as they did when he had them in my belly.

Weston Lynwood C. arrived at 3:05 am on Thursday, May 5.  We call him our little cinco de mayo burrito.  There was a bit of a mix up with his weight...The nurse last night got him at 7 lbs, but when he was weighed again this evening, the weight was 8 lbs. 12 oz.  That's nearly a 2 pound difference!  My bottom feels like he was a close to 9 pounds rather than 7.

This is after Weston's first bath that he got from nurse Cindi.  He absolutely loves playing with his tongue--almost as if he's trying to figure out what its purpose is.

Best Laid Plans...

Quick update:
Contractions started at 7 pm on 5/3.
Checked into Sinai last night at 1am.  Dilated to 1.5 cm.
Labored for 17 hours to 4 cm and 75% effaced.  Not good.
Decided to do epidural at 2 pm.
Took 2 hour nap. Dilated to 5 cm.  Started Pitocin.

Awaiting another check soon...

The Levee Broke!

So after all that excitement this afternoon, I laid down to take a nap.  Before doing so, I looked up acupressure on the Internet as a way to induce labor.  I knew about the point above the ankle bone but never tried it.  I watched the video and had Nate watch it, too, so that he could apply pressure before I took my nap.

Lo and behold, I woke up to pretty uncomfortable cramping, kind of like menstrual cramps.  I rolled over, and laid there awhile.  Then came another one...  I got up out of bed, went to the bathroom, started walking into the kitchen, and then felt like I had just peed my pants.  I returned to the bathroom and verified that it definitely wasn't me peeing my pants--my water broke!

Wow.  We'll be having a baby pretty soon...  The hospital has wireless, so we'll update from there.  In the meantime, Nate and I are going to relax here at home and watch a movie and try and get some rest before this gets more intense.

Yikes

I had my 40 week 5 day prenatal appointment this morning, and it was pretty overwhelming.  Against what I had planned on doing, I did step on the scale and actually lost a pound from last time, so that was fun.  But, then I spoke with my midwife, and we discussed induction next Tuesday night using Cervidil and then possibly following up the next day with Pitocin if things haven't progressed.  I started crying immediately.  She reassured me that baby and I had over a week to deal with this, but it was still hard to swallow.  She also spoke with me about scheduling a fetal Non-Stress Test (NST) this coming Friday because I am overdue.  As is routine, I hopped up on the table so that she could measure my fundal height and listen to the baby's heart tones.  As we were listening, I heard the most horrible sound of the heart rate dropping pretty low and staying that way for a few seconds.  She kept listening, and it did it again two more times.  At that point, she said that she'd like to schedule the NST that afternoon just to rule anything out, and I agreed.

At this point, I was a wreck.  I drove home to eat lunch and get Nate and head back to the hospital.  Away we went, and got hooked up right away to the monitor.  After about 30 minutes of listening to the heartbeat, the tech told us that things looked fine, and we still needed to do an ultrasound.  I got pretty excited at this point because our last ultrasound was at 13 weeks (back in October)!  She made sure to be very careful to not show us anything revealing as far as its private parts were concerned.

Because of the fact that we chose to not find out the gender of Mr. Belvedere, coupled with not having gotten a 20-week ultrasound that included an anatomy scan, I have had this completely irrational fear that baby was intersexed--meaning that it couldn't be classified as either male or female.

After the tech did the scan, I asked, "Did you see what it was?"
She replied, "Yes, but I'm not going to tell you."
Nate piped up, "But it's one or the other, right?"

At first she didn't quite get what we were getting at, so I explained my fear.  She then reassured us that yes, we would be bringing home either a boy OR a girl.

Final result?  Everything's fine with baby.  We have another NST scheduled for Friday.

Enjoying Milwaukee

I really want to just type this:

No baby news yet.

I can't do that to you readers, who, according to the statistics page on the blog, have been checking the posts on here more than I visit the bathroom each day.  I think that's impressive, mostly because I can't believe how often I'm in there.  I'm honored that you're reading this.

I went with Nate to school today, so I've been at UW-M's campus all afternoon.  I really can't stand being in the apartment.  It was nice to get out again, and the campus is close to Lake Michigan, so I packed a lunch and waddled down to a nice bench with a spectacular view of the lake.  I would have kept going after I ate, but there were no bathrooms of any sort on the way and I felt like I was going to pee my pants, so I had to cut my walk short.  I still have some time before Nate's done teaching, so I could go for another little stroll.

I have an appointment with my midwife tomorrow morning, and at that time, she'll let me know if I'm dilated or effaced.  I've been using evening primrose oil (EPO) and drinking raspberry leaf tea, neither of which are supposed to start labor.  The oil is supposed to soften the cervix, and the tea tones and strengthens the uterus.  Since I wasn't hardly effaced two weeks ago, the midwife suggested 2 grams of EPO nightly.  I'll find out tomorrow if my efforts have been worth it.  Oh, and as of right now, I'm not getting on the scale.  The medical assistant can go ahead and write "refused" on my chart.

Another Day and No Baby Got You Down?

I'm not too bummed today, but last night I was beyond frustrated.  I am realizing that I don't "wait" very well.  I felt trapped last night, like I hadn't left our apartment in weeks.  So, Nate and I decided to head to Lapham Peak Unit of Kettle Moraine State Forest and hike around this afternoon for a couple of hours.  Walking is one of those kick start labor methods.  We did about three miles, enjoying the weather and fresh air, even though the wind was fairly chilly.  I was comfortable, but Nate was cold.  I don't think he fully grasps how much of a heater this fetus is.  Mr. Belvedere is my personal wood-burning stove.

Anyway, we took some pictures:

Week 40 

Those sunglasses are $2 at the Milwaukee County Zoo, if you're wondering...

Free birthing in the Kettles!

Looks like we'll be having a May baby...  A stubborn Taurus, as my cousin put it.