Does This Baby Make Me Look Fat?

I'm depressed.  I have already gained 20 pounds so far and I'm just over 22 weeks along.  According to the guidelines, I'm "a bit ahead of schedule."  The baby isn't even one pound, yet my check up last week showed that I gained nine pounds from last month to this one.

Does her mullet add a pound or two?

I guess I'll have to tone down the eating now that the holidays are over.  No more of these kinds of conversations:

"I'm going to finish the apple pie, okay?" I inform Nate.
"Split that apple pie in half and share it."  He gives me that you already ate your extra 300 calories today look.  I ignore the look while I reluctantly cut the pie fairly evenly down the middle, but I scoop the larger piece out of the pie tin and into my hand.  I lift it up to my mouth and Nate sees me chomp down, enjoying it like a giant slice of pizza.
"You don't want a plate?" he says.
"No.  Do you?"
"Um, yeah...And a fork."

The Students are Curious

Yesterday, during my ninth hour Spanish class, I was sitting on the floor grading some papers while the students were working on a project, researching at the computer, and putting together posters.  I had several piles of papers around me, and I went to grab a stack, and there was a folded piece of paper with "To: Ms. W" written on the front.  I opened it up, and it read:
"Are you pregnent [sic]?  If you are, tell the whole class."

I laughed aloud, stood up, got the class's attention and said, "Yes, I am expecting a baby at the end of April.  And no, I'm not just putting on weight from the holidays."  I smiled and asked, "Who wrote this, by the way?"

A girl piped up and said, "I did.  And I wrote it with my left hand.  Can you tell?"

Then came the cacophony of responses:
"Really?!"
"I knew it last month."
"When's your sub coming?"
"Will you name it after me?"
"Are you having a boy or girl?"
"Can we throw you a shower?"
"How come you're so small?"

At least this wasn't nearly as ridiculous as the response I got from a student in my seventh hour class last month:
"Who's the dad?"
I couldn't believe it, but then I remembered where I was.