The Emotional Spectrum

A good friend of mine emailed me the other day after having read about the passing of my dad.  He writes: "My mom lost her mom while she was pregnant with me, and she has told me that I saved her from a lot sadness. I always thought that there was something so poetic about her simultaneous loss/gain of life."


Perhaps at some point in the future I'll be able to reflect on this experience in such a way.  However, right now, it's all so...raw.  I have been a whirlwind of emotions this past week--up and down, laughing and crying, bubbling over with sadness and then later, joy.  I think Monday's ultrasound was the most difficult.  I was exhausted from the drive back from Minnesota, nervous at the what sort of discoveries might be made at the ultrasound, and completely spent from the weekend.  I sobbed for a while while Nate held me before heading to the doctor's office.  During the procedure, my emotional state flipped to all smiles and full of amazement and joy.  After that wore off, I was with some good friends later that evening and began sobbing again as I remembered my dad.


I do find that in my times of sadness, I think about the little baby hopping around in my belly, and I ask my dad to watch over it.  I have faith that I'll make it through this loss and gain of life, but the timing of the healing is just not on my terms.  And I'm okay with that.

Oral hygiene

I had a dentist appointment this morning that I was rather dreading.  I normally love the dentist.  I love taking care of my teeth.  I love flossing every night.  I love brushing for 2 minutes with my Sonic Care toothbrush.  I love my hygienist.

However, this morning was awful.  In the past week or so, my mouth has turned into a wreck.  My gums are swollen, my teeth feel like they're going to be squeezed out of their sockets, and when she flossed my teeth after brushing them, it felt as if I had never, ever flossed before in my life.  And, on top of that, they found a cavity.

Thank you, hormones!

I did go swimming yesterday, and that felt great.  For some reason I can button my favorite pair of jeans today, so that's delightful.  Another teacher at my school is due a week before I am, and she happens to be the physical education teacher with keys to the pool, so we went swimming for a half hour.  It was a safe way to cut loose:

OMG...There's really a baby in there!

Watching the ultrasound screen with images of a baby on it, and knowing that those images are coming from my abdomen is pretty weird!  I couldn't believe that there is a full-fledged baby growing inside of me.  I was laughing the first minute that she had the sensor on me because I was so shocked!  It's got two arms with fingers, two legs with toes, a giant head complete with a nose, two eyes and a mouth; a beating little heart, a teeny stomach, and an umbilical cord attached to a healthy placenta.

3D image: baby's covering up its face with its arm

Profile: A Polish nose?

Heart rate was 164, but despite the popular theory, that doesn't predict the gender.  Its crown-to-rump measurement is 80mm, which could have bumped up my due date to the 24th of April, but since that's not five days earlier than the 28th, I'm still working with the original due date.

It was flopping around like a fish out of water, twisting this way and that.  After commenting that it's bizarre how it's moving around all over the place but I can't feel it yet, Nate told me to go light some incense, lie down, close my eyes and really, really concentrate on feeling it move.  I wish I could feel it, but it's way too early.  Today was just 13 weeks, 4 days.

Life Goes On

It's been a sad weekend.  I was pulled out of my 7th hour class on Thursday, October 21 because my mom came to school to break the news that my dad had passed away in the night.  He died peacefully in his sleep at the young age of 68 at the assisted living facility that he'd been a resident of for the past 5 years.  The cause was another brain bleed.  I was horrified and unprepared for this, mostly because I had envisioned his passing to be something long and drawn out that would happen sometime in the next few years (he was headed down that kind of a road).  But to have my dad taken away so suddenly is still incomprehensible.

At my wedding in 2009

Of course, I'm saddened by the fact that he won't be able to hold his 5th grandchild and be a part of its life.  Nate and I are on our way to becoming parents ourselves, and it's hard to wrap my head around the fact that my own dad is just not here anymore.

Feeling...Not pregnant?

I'm not nauseous.  My boobs don't hurt much anymore.  I've got lots of energy.  I'm not running to the bathroom nearly as much as I have been, and I'm sleeping through the night without having to get up to pee.  Nor, can I remember the last time I cried.

I don't feel very pregnant.  Or, maybe this is the beginning of the "glorious" second trimester.  My ultrasound is this Wednesday, so I'm pretty excited to see some evidence of what's is going on down there.  I am fortunate enough to have a wonderful principal who is allowing me to go and have it done during my 2 hour (!) prep in the morning.  As much as I'd like to have some time off, preparing sub plans no easy feat.  Besides, I've got to save those sick days for spring!

The Business of Being Born

Nate and I watched the documentary, The Business of Being Born last night.  It's about the billion dollar industry that's made up of women having babies in hospitals.  After taking a very serious look our values and at my experiences with the OB/GYN these past few weeks, we've decided to go with a Certified Professional Midwife and have a natural birth in a birthing center.  Now, before you think I'm totally nuts, allow me to explain the decision.

First of all, there are options available besides having a baby in a hospital.  I've taken a lot of time researching these options.  We don't have a TV, so all that extra time goes into scouring the Internet, reading books, and talking with others.  I like being able to evaluate my choices, and I'm sure that not all babies need to be born in hospitals.  Of course, there are times when medical intervention is absolutely necessary.

In addition, I have not appreciated the way I've been treated with the various medical offices that I've been dealing with.  My first prenatal appointment was aggravating.  I felt like I was an inconvenience to them; like I was another cow having a calf.  I didn't like that so much.  I also have had nothing but scheduling problems with them--canceling two appointments on me and having to be on hold for ridiculous amounts of time rather frequently when calling them back.  The cherry on top was how long that first appointment lasted--they said it would be the longest, and it turned out to be only 20 minutes.  "All your other appointments will be much shorter."  Shorter??!?!  What, like 5 minutes??!?  Perhaps I'm wrong, but that seems incredibly unsafe to me.

I'm also married to a man who was born at home in Vermont with the assistance of several midwives.  He turned out just fine and so did his mother...

So, we interviewed a midwife last weekend, LaNette McQuitty.  The plan is to have the baby at the Well Rounded Maternity Center in Menomonee Falls.  Of course, the whole set up is not remotely understood by the insurance company, so we've got some work to do in that department.  What's baffling to me is that a hospital birth can cost on average, $11,000.  Using a midwife for all my prenatal care and during labor costs about $4,000.  The use of the birth center is about $2,500.  That's quite a savings, isn't it?  But the insurance company doesn't recognize it.

Anyway, we'll see how this all turns out.  If you have 90 minutes free sometime, check out  The Business of Being Born, even if you don't agree with me.

I (heart) food

Here is my recent favorite:
Last Friday night, as we were lying in bed catching up on Mad Men episodes, I really, really wanted strawberry crepes.  Then I got to thinking about Breyers strawberry ice cream, and I swear, I was ready to leave in the middle of a tense episode and head over to the Pick'n Save and haul off some all natural creamy goodness with frozen strawberry chunks.  Nate even said he'd go and get it, but then laughed because he was joking.

D.Lish.Us

I didn't think that was funny.  Remember that scene from Lady and the Tramp where Darling sends Jim Dear out into a blizzard for some watermelon and chop suey?

"Darling, are you sure you want watermelon?"

"Mm-hmm. Oh, and some chop suey, too."

"Chop suey?  Oh, all right, darling."

Classic!

First Appointments

In rather anticlimactic fashion, my first prenatal visit at Physicians of OBGYN last Tuesday was a let down.  The medical assistant was terribly rude, mostly because I think that my appointment was at 3:30 and they go home at 4.  I just saw the nurse practitioner, and wasn't told much other than "you have a very pregnant feeling uterus."  Good news, since I had occasional weird doubts that I actually was pregnant.