The Emotional Spectrum

A good friend of mine emailed me the other day after having read about the passing of my dad.  He writes: "My mom lost her mom while she was pregnant with me, and she has told me that I saved her from a lot sadness. I always thought that there was something so poetic about her simultaneous loss/gain of life."


Perhaps at some point in the future I'll be able to reflect on this experience in such a way.  However, right now, it's all so...raw.  I have been a whirlwind of emotions this past week--up and down, laughing and crying, bubbling over with sadness and then later, joy.  I think Monday's ultrasound was the most difficult.  I was exhausted from the drive back from Minnesota, nervous at the what sort of discoveries might be made at the ultrasound, and completely spent from the weekend.  I sobbed for a while while Nate held me before heading to the doctor's office.  During the procedure, my emotional state flipped to all smiles and full of amazement and joy.  After that wore off, I was with some good friends later that evening and began sobbing again as I remembered my dad.


I do find that in my times of sadness, I think about the little baby hopping around in my belly, and I ask my dad to watch over it.  I have faith that I'll make it through this loss and gain of life, but the timing of the healing is just not on my terms.  And I'm okay with that.