Puff the Magic Dragon

I recently selected Peter, Paul and Mary on my Pandora music station while I was feeding Weston dinner.  I thought it would give him some good music to digest his dinner.  What he wasn't expecting was for his mom to burst into tears.


Let me back up about twenty years...  My sister and I spent every weekend with my dad when we were growing up after my parents divorced.  My dad was a creature of habit and when he liked something, he tended to always go back to it.  He loved Peter, Paul and Mary and had a double cassette called In Concert that we listened to ALL. THE. TIME. in his car.  I think my sister and I could sing the entire album if given the chance.


Anyway, when the beautiful children's song Puff, the Magic Dragon would come on, my dad would oftentimes tear up.  I never really understood why, until he explained the lyrics to me.  Basically, the story is about Puff and his playmate Jackie Paper, a little boy who eventually grows up and loses interest in the imaginary adventures of childhood.  Eventually, Puff dies without Jackie Paper around to believe in him.




My dad was a sensitive guy...


Back to 2012.  I'm feeding Weston dinner and Pandora chooses to play this song, and I start singing to Weston.  Out of nowhere, I start bawling.  I'm trying to sing along, but my throat is tight and tears are rolling down my face.  I keep thinking about my dad who passed away in October of 2010 when I was 3 months pregnant with Weston, and how unfair it is that he and Weston never met.  I'm actually irate about this--resentful at the whole situation.  And I'm surprised, too, that I'm feeling this way.


I don't think about my dad all day long and continue to mourn his passing.  I do, however, think about him throughout the week at all sorts of different times, and I especially love it when I have dreams about him.  When those happen (and I wish I had more dreams about him), I try so hard to hold on to them because they fade so quickly as the day wears on.  I still am tempted from time to time to hold down the number 5 on my phone and call him to relay the latest  funny thing that Weston did...


I still haven't deleted his name and number from my phone.